Title: How To Mark Your Territory
Genre(s): humor, crack, fluff
Word Count: 1,467
Summary: In which Kyuhyun is the only one who doesn't think that he's possessive and the members all have unique (useless) advice.
“Geez, why don't you just make out with him next time?” Henry exclaimed, walking into the kitchen where Kyuhyun was eating leftovers and Ryeowook was brewing tea.
“What?” Ryeowook questioned, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Not you,” Henry clarified, “Kyuhyun.”
“What about me?” Kyuhyun asked, only mildly interested.
“I just watched our last interview in China on YouTube.”
“You should just make out with Zhou Mi next time if you're so worried about everyone knowing that he's taken,” Henry told him, rummaging in the fridge for a bottle of water.
“I'm not worried about people knowing he's taken...?” Kyuhyun informed the younger man, confused.
Henry scoffed, “Yeah right. You're always all over him during interviews. So if you just made out with him next time, everyone would know that he's with you and you wouldn't have to keep hanging off his arm. Fangirls would gif that shit and the moment would live in infamy.”
“But...” Kyuhyun began, but Henry was already on his way out of the kitchen, obviously having made his point, “I'm not all over Zhou Mi, am I?” he asked, turning to Ryeowook.
“I think it's cute,” the smaller man said.
“Maybe you should just pee on him.”
“What?” Kyuhyun stared at Sungmin as he resettled himself at his computer after having seen Zhou Mi out. He was pretty positive that his roommate had finally lost his mind.
“You should pee on Zhou Mi,” Sungmin said casually, “You know, mark your territory.”
Kyuhyun opened his mouth to retort, but found that he didn't even have a response for that.
“I mean, every time I say anything to him or he starts talking to me, you put your hands on him or you divert his attention back to you somehow,” Sungmin informed him, “So you should probably just pee on him and save us all some time.”
“No thank you,” he finally spoke, “Not all of us enjoy that kind of thing.”
Sungmin mumbled something that sounded like missing out, but he decided that he did not want to know.
And besides, Sungmin was way off. He wasn't that possessive.
“I am not possessive!” Kyuhyun exclaimed, scowling at Heechul.
Heechul rolled his eyes, “Yes you are. Seasonings is practically your lap dog. Or maybe you're his lap dog. I don't know.”
Kyuhyun took a deep breath, trying not to get too worked up. Fighting with Heechul was pretty ineffective anyway.
“He's not my lap dog,” he ground out.
“Buy him a collar,” Heechul suggested, laughing to himself.
“I do not want to buy him a collar.”
“So let him buy you one,” Heechul suggested as though that was the issue, “Actually, this could clear up the whole issue of who tops.”
“What?” Kyuhyun snapped.
“Donghae and I have a bet on who tops,” Heechul shrugged.
Kyuhyun gaped at him and then left the apartment before he did something stupid. It was impolite to hit your hyung, after all.
“You and Heechul have a bet on who tops?” Kyuhyun exclaimed, cornering Donghae later that night.
“In what relationship?” Donghae asked.
“You're betting on more than one relationship?”
Donghae nodded, “Yesung and Ryeowook, Jonghyun and Key, Onew and Taemin, Changmin and Minho...”
Kyuhyun just stared before remembering why he'd confronted Donghae in the first place.
“I was referring to Zhou Mi and me.”
“Oh,” Donghae nodded in understanding, “Yeah, we're betting on you guys.”
Kyuhyun buried his face in his hands.
“My money is on you!” Donghae announced as though that was supposed to be some sort of a consolation. Kyuhyun chose not to comment.
“You don't think I'm possessive, do you?” he chanced to ask.
Donghae paused, looking deep in thought.
“You guys should get matching sweaters!” he declared suddenly.
“What?” Kyuhyun asked warily.
“It'd be so cute!” Donghae grinned, “And then you'd know that everyone knew that you two were together!”
“I don't care if everyone knows that we're together!” Kyuhyun exploded, tugging at his hair in frustration.
Donghae stared at him in confusion.
Kyuhyun sighed and decided to go to bed.
“And Yesung obviously tops!” he said on his way out.
“Kyuhyun, we need to talk,” Siwon said to him the next day, pulling him aside during a break from recording a new track.
“Your relationship with Zhou Mi,” Siwon told him.
“What about it?”
“You seem to be flaunting your relationship lately,” he began.
“No I'm not!” Kyuhyun defended, exasperated.
“And I think that you need to make an honest man out of Zhou Mi,” Siwon said seriously.
Kyuhyun resisted the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall until the conversation was over.
“I know that you can't get married since you're...both...men,” Siwon cleared his throat uncomfortably, “But I think that if you got couple rings and stated your commitment to each other for God, then it would have the same effect.”
“Zhou Mi isn't even religious,” Kyuhyun said wearily, hoping that someone would come and interrupt their conversation so he could leave.
“I know, but I still think-”
“I'm not going to marry Zhou Mi,” Kyuhyun interrupted.
“Ever?” Siwon asked, scandalized.
“I...” Kyuhyun paused.
He and Zhou Mi hadn't ever really talked about this and he didn't think that he should be having this conversation with Siwon before he had it with Zhou Mi.
“Well, not now anyway,” he quickly said, wanting to change the subject. Was it hot in there or was it just him?
“I still think you should consider getting rings,” Siwon told him, “It's the closest that you can get to-”
“Yeah yeah,” Kyuhyun cut him off, pulling his phone out of his pocket and pretending to answer a call.
He never thought he'd say it, but his conversation with Heechul had been infinitely less painful.
“Do you have any idea why Siwon kept looking at me like he was worried and patting me on the back today?” Zhou Mi inquired that night when they were reclining on Kyuhyun's bed.
The younger man groaned and buried his face in a pillow.
“Siwon thinks I need make an honest man out of you or something and I told him I wasn't going to take his advice,” Kyuhyun mumbled, words muffled by the pillow.
“Why?” Zhou Mi asked, sounding genuinely confused.
“Why what? Why didn't I follow his advice or why was he suggesting it in the first place?”
“Why was he suggesting it in the first place,” he clarified.
“Everyone seems to think that I need a way to claim you,” he explained, rolling his eyes.
“Why?” Zhou Mi asked again.
“Apparently they all think I'm possessive or something ridiculous,” he said, keeping his face buried in the pillow and his eyes closed so he didn't have to see the other's facial expression.
Instead he just heard Zhou Mi's laugh.
“Oh Kui Xian,” he chuckled, sounding truly amused, “I don't think you need to claim me.”
“So you don't think I'm possessive?” Kyuhyun asked hopefully, lifting his face from the pillow.
Zhou Mi paused, lips twisting into a smile. Kyuhyun scowled at him.
“I am not going to make out with you on television, I'm not going to get couple sweaters or couple rings, I am not going to get you a collar, and I am not going to pee on you,” he announced, flopping back onto the bed in frustration.
Zhou Mi's eyebrows had crept up as Kyuhyun listed off all of the suggestions.
“I...I'm glad you're not going to pee on me, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said, chuckling.
Kyuhyun continued to scowl.
“You don't have to do any of those things to claim me,” Zhou Mi went on, “Because I already know that I'm yours. And that you're mine.”
“Sappy,” Kyuhyun muttered, though he couldn't help the way his heart kind of leapt into his throat at that.
Zhou Mi leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.
“But maybe you'll let me claim you?” he murmured, breath puffing over Kyuhyun's neck and making him shiver.
“Okay,” he breathed, slightly embarrassed that he always gave in so easily even as he turned his head to give Zhou Mi more room to kiss along the column of his throat, “But please don't ever mention to anyone that you top.”
Zhou Mi pulled back, confused.
“Heechul and Donghae have a bet...” he explained, “And I don't want Heechul to win.”
Zhou Mi burst into laughter, pressing his nose into Kyuhyun's cheek.
“I won't mention it,” he promised and Kyuhyun sighed in relief, already focused on the feel of Zhou Mi's lips trailing over his jaw.
And anyway, what was wrong with being a little bit possessive if this was where it landed him?
Nothing, he decided. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it.