Pairing: JongKey, some JongHyunA (Jonghyun/HyunA)
Genre(s): angst, romance
Summary: AU- Key can’t help but feel like he’s the one whom his best friend should be with.
a/n: For my dear ellie_eunnie
<3 I hope this is at least kind of what you wanted.
And, for those of you who don’t know, I am a huge 4minute fan, so don’t somehow misconstrue this as anti-Hyuna.
Jonghyun was Key’s roommate. He supposed that, if asked, that would be the easiest way to describe him. Of course, Jonghyun was also his best friend- and he had been for five years. They went all the way back to high school before they’d gone the clichéd path and enrolled at the same college together, having been roommates for the past two and a half years.
Key thought that describing Jonghyun as the person whom he was head-over-heels in love with was accurate as well, though he didn’t tend to add that bit when introducing the other boy. Jonghyun, himself, didn’t even know about the feelings that Key harbored for him, though Key thought that he should considering he had never been subtle about it. Especially since, as much as Key flirted with Jonghyun, Jonghyun flirted with Key at least twice as much.
He knew that he wasn’t just imagining it- he might be biased and hopeful, but he wasn’t an idiot.
However, that hope deflated at the beginning of that year, their junior year in college, when Hyuna came into the picture. It had seemed so sudden- one second Jonghyun was talking about a pretty girl in his psych class and the next he was bringing her home and introducing her as his girlfriend. It was so fast that it left Key’s head spinning and his heart aching like someone had reached into his chest and squeezed it between two heavy books.
But of course he couldn’t say anything. It wasn’t like they were dating or like he’d ever even talked to the other about how he felt. He had no real claim over him so he knew that he had no right to protest.
At least Hyuna was a good person. Key might have even liked her if they’d met under different circumstances. She was nice, she was fun, and she was pretty. Jonghyun really liked her. He was happy. So there was nothing to say.
Though there were
tiny little faults.
Jonghyun was very affectionate (Key knew this from the way that Jonghyun would latch onto him in virtually any situation) and Hyuna wasn’t big on PDA. She didn’t like having Jonghyun hanging onto her in public or even holding her hand in front of people. Key was split between feeling validated and horrible for Jonghyun when his face fell in disappointment when Hyuna would pull her hand away.
He always felt like yelling I wouldn’t pull away- I’d walk down the street holding your hand proudly. It should be me!
But, of course, he never did.
Then there was Jonghyun’s way of joking. Though Hyuna had a good sense of humor, she sometimes didn’t appreciate Jonghyun’s jokes, especially when aimed at her. Key would have to watch as Jonghyun teased her too hard and then tripped over himself to apologize and explain that it was a joke.
Needless to say, Key knew how to handle Jonghyun’s joking. He could take any digs the other boy made at him and reciprocate appropriately. Actually, if anything, Key was the one whose words were more biting and he was often the one who started it. The two of them had a rhythm and no one else could quite match it.
Lastly, Hyuna didn’t know how to deal with Jonghyun being clingy. The other boy hated to be alone and Hyuna liked having time to herself. Frankly, Key was with Hyuna on this one, but he knew how to handle a needy, clingy Jonghyun. He’d lived with him for over two years. If he hadn’t figured out how to nicely let the other know that he needed to be alone, neither of them would have been alive to see their junior year.
However, rationalizations about relationships never meant a thing and Key knew that. But that didn’t stop him from hoping. It didn’t stop his heart from leaping into his throat when Jonghyun sent him a flirty text message or when he grabbed his arm. It didn’t stop him from holding his breath whenever he heard his roommate on the phone having an argument, crossing his fingers that he was breaking up with Hyuna.
But more often than not, he found himself inwardly cringing whenever Jonghyun mentioned his girlfriend or scrambling for his head phones when the couple was in the next room doing…things. He felt like he always ended up in his bed alone, staring at the ceiling and wondering how things could have worked out differently.
Not that Jonghyun knew any of that.
Except for the headphones part because, well…that was a legitimate complaint on his end- one that didn’t scream I’m in love with you!
Nonetheless, despite all of that, the dynamics between the two boys had not changed drastically. Which was why Jonghyun plopped down on the edge of Key’s bed as the latter checked his email on his laptop, lying on his stomach on the mattress.
“She cancelled on me,” Jonghyun pouted, letting himself fall backward so he was partially lying on Key’s calves.
“How come?” Key asked, keeping his tone neutral as he always did when she came up in conversation.
“Homework or something,” Jonghyun grunted, “Let’s do something fun.”
“I’m supposed to be writing a paper.”
“It’s a Saturday night!”
“So what? That doesn’t mean that I don’t have a lot of work,” Key defended, though the paper in question wasn’t due for another two weeks- he just didn’t trust himself to take this opportunity for one-on-one time with Jonghyun without seeming like an over-eager puppy. “Come on, please
!” Jonghyun whined, squeezing the back of Key’s thigh with his right hand- making the latter jump and desperately swallow the surprised squeak that begged to escape.
“I have a paper!” Key protested, moving his legs around in a futile attempt to shake the other off.
“Just for a little,” Jonghyun tried, “Please?”
And he sounded so pathetic and sad (Key could imagine the puppy dog eyes that were gracing his face at that very moment) that he couldn’t say no. Which was why Jonghyun seemed to always get what he wanted.
“Fine. Just for a little.”
“Yes!” Jonghyun grinned and sat back up, pulling Key up by his shoulders as the latter made ungainly noises until the two of them were sitting side by side on Key’s twin bed.
“So what did you want to do?” Key asked, deadpan.
,” Jonghyun grinned, hands grabbing at Key’s bicep affectionately, “You have told me anything about your life lately!”
“I dunno,” Key shrugged, “There isn’t much to tell I guess.”
“Anyone you like? Any cute girls in your classes?” Jonghyun prodded, eyebrows raising suggestively. Key sighed.
It was one thing for Jonghyun to not notice that Key had feelings for him, but it was a whole new level of oblivious that he had yet to realize that Key was gay. He had a Lady Gaga pin for fuck’s sake! But Key knew that he should have told Jonghyun by then. They were best friends after all. He’d just been…scared. Especially since him admitting to being gay was just one more step toward admitting that he was in love with his best friend. And he feared that if he spilled one secret, there was little stopping him from telling Jonghyun everything.
“Nope,” Key said, avoiding Jonghyun’s eye contact, “I don’t like anyone from my classes.” He and Jonghyun had no classes together. He wasn’t even lying. Technically.
“You’re boring,” Jonghyun huffed before he perked up again as a thought came to him, “Alright, fine. But if you had to pick someone- if you had
to- who would you pick?”
“For what?” Key asked, feeling his heart rate increasing.
“To date, to kiss, to fuck…anything,” Jonghyun shrugged.
“Um…” Key could feel the truth rising in his throat. He could feel his hands start to shake with the idea that he could just say it. He could just blurt it out and that would be that. But fear still paralyzed every muscle in his body.
Jonghyun would be shocked, no doubt. He’d be disgusted. He’d be mad and uncomfortable. Key would lose his best friend. And that couldn’t happen. It couldn’t
“Are you crying?” Jonghyun’s shocked voice pierced through Key’s thoughts, the words sinking in a second later. He raised his hand to his face, brushing his fingers over his cheeks to feel wetness. He was
“No,” he swallowed, not even sure why he’d bothered to respond.
“What’s wrong?” Jonghyun was looking at him with those big brown eyes that could melt through his soul and it was hard not to just spill everything between hiccupping sobs. But he contained himself. Somewhat. Instead, he just fell forward into Jonghyun’s waiting arms, burying his face into his shoulder and letting the tears flow. Finally.
“Shh shh,” Jonghyun cooed, fingers raking through his hair, “I’ve got you. It’s okay. I have you.”
Key felt his heart swell and melt, dripping down over his ribs, at the words and the gentle caresses. It was suddenly too much to hold back.
“You,” he whispered into the tear dampened material of Jonghyun’s t-shirt, “It’s you.”
“What?” Jonghyun paused, “What’s me?”
“The answer to the question you asked before. It’s you.”
It seemed as though an hour had passed before Jonghyun seemed to breath out, putting his hands gently on Key’s shoulders and pushing him up so that he could look him in the eyes- in his watery, swollen, blood-shot eyes.
“Oh Key,” he breathed, all warmth and affection, “Why didn’t you tell me? You should have said something.”
Key felt himself drowning under the gaze, trying his hardest not to let his eyes linger on the other’s for too long lest he never escape their hold.
The next thing he knew, Jonghyun had leaned over and pressed his lips against his forehead, fluttery warmth emanating from the contact and spreading through his whole body. The way his fingers trailed down his arms gently was electric as his lips brushed down, bumping against the bridge of his nose and slowly lower, until he was pressing hard against his lips.
Key gasped, his heart exploding into a million little happy pieces as he shut his eyes, feeling the tears gathered there slide down his cheeks where Jonghyun kissed them, making them disappear.
Jonghyun was looking at him again, his deep eyes saying everything that they’d never said to each other, but that Key had felt as clear as if they’d been shouted out loud all this time. And he knew that he wasn’t crazy because he’d always known. He’d hoped and held his breath and crossed his fingers, ignoring the mane of blonde hair that went in and out of their apartment, but he had still known
And now there weren’t any more secrets between them- no more barriers or walls. Every last bit of matter that had kept them just slightly apart- the mere breadth of a hair- was gone and they were one; melting into each other and blurring the lines that separated one heart from another. Finally.