Genre(s): romance, angst, fluff, humor
Word Count: 5,009
Summary: Jessica, a famous singer in Korea, is hopelessly in love with her makeup artist. She’s pretty sure that dating a member of her staff (who’s a woman no less) is frowned upon in the entertainment business.
Written for the unniefic
valentine's day/white day challenge
I was going to include some smut in this, but I really need to go to bed. If anyone is interested, I can write it in a separate oneshot.
Smut scene here
She’d noticed her the second she stepped into the room. Assistants had been running all around and it had been utter chaos. But Jessica’s eyes flew to the petite girl who had just come in- her brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and rectangular black glasses perched upon her nose. She was young, probably about the same age as Jessica, and she seemed slightly taken aback by the frenzied pace of the dressing room, but she was determined to do her best, Jessica could tell. Even if she had no idea what this girl’s job was anyway.
It turned out, she was the new makeup artist they had hired her and her name was Taeyeon. She was the same age as Jessica- only older than her by one month- and she somehow managed to consistently make Jessica laugh while doing her makeup, even if it was as early as 5 AM. And that was something. Jessica loved to sleep.
That had been three years ago, just a year after Jessica’s debut. Now, Jessica was one of the most well-known and successful solo artists in Asia and Taeyeon was still her makeup artist by her request. They had become good friends over those three years, exchanging phone numbers and meeting up for coffee whenever Jessica had free time, but there was something flawed about their seemingly perfect friendship: Jessica was in love with Taeyeon and Taeyeon had absolutely no idea.
Jessica had known that she liked girls since she was seventeen and she gave her first- and last- blowjob. She found that the male anatomy wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, so she began to consider the alternative, which she found much more appealing (because really
. She was supposed to think a man’s naked body was attractive? They were all hairy and had no curves. Moreover, their reproductive organ just hung out
, while that of a woman was neatly tucked away inside. Much
more aesthetically pleasing).
Of course, being an idol in South Korea meant that she couldn’t come out about her sexuality to the public. Honestly, she didn’t mind that much. Sure, there were times when she wished that she didn’t have to pretend to be straight, but she dealt with it. When asked about her ideal type, Jessica started out being as non-specific about gender as possible, but when they pressed and made her choose a person, she just lied.
The main reason why she wished that she could be open about her sexuality was because of Taeyeon. The makeup artist had no idea she was into girls. Of course, she could have just told her- there was no rule against telling her makeup artist- but when was she supposed to bring something like that up? She didn’t know. So she never had and now they’d been friends for so long, she feared that it was too late and she never would.
Taeyeon, on the other hand, was straight. Officially anyway. She’d gone on a few dates with guys throughout their friendship (all of which Jessica cringed to hear about), but none of them turned into anything serious, much to Jessica’s relief. Occasionally though, she questioned Taeyeon’s sexuality. She sometimes thought that Taeyeon could like girls. But she had nothing to back these theories up with, so she just attributed them to wishful thinking.
“So much makeup,” Taeyeon tsked, sweeping rose blush over Jessica’s cheeks- the latter in a chair facing a large mirror in one of the dressing rooms at SBS.
“You’re the one putting it on me!” Jessica argued, laughing and then quickly sitting still when she caught Taeyeon’s look in the mirror that clearly stated sit still or you’ll get a mascara wand in your eye
“It’s my job,” Taeyeon defended, carefully applying thick, black mascara to Jessica’s lashes, “But if it were really up to me, you wouldn’t wear any makeup at all. You’re prettier without it.” Jessica felt herself blush, but quickly snorted in disbelief to cover it up.
“Yeah right, you just want to make sure you stay on my good side,” she teased, careful not to move her face too much.
“I mean it,” Taeyeon insisted, “But I’ll be the first to admit that staying on your good side is probably a good plan.”
Jessica let herself flop backwards onto her bed, the muscles in her body hurting as they finally relaxed against the mattress. It had been a ridiculously long day and it was now two in the morning, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep if she tried to close her eyes right then. She knew that she would just lie awake and think of Taeyeon. And while that was true most of the time, today was one of those particularly bad days- where her heart clenched painfully every few moments, reminding her how hopelessly and stupidly in love she was with someone that she couldn’t have.
Sighing, Jessica rolled over and grabbed her cell phone off of her bedside table and immediately started to dial a number she knew by heart.
“Hello?” a tired voice greeted her, pulling a smile to her face.
“Were you asleep?” she asked, feeling guilty, but giggling to herself about how endearing the other girl sounded when she was groggy.
“Yeah,” was the response, followed by a stifled yawn.
“Sorry Fany-ah,” Jessica apologized, using her most adorable sounding voice which always worked on her best friend.
“Mmm it’s okay Jess,” Tiffany answered. Jessica could hear the sound of rustling sheets and she imagined that Tiffany was sitting up in bed and grabbing her glasses off her bedside table, “What do you need?”
“Just…the usual,” Jessica sighed, lying back down again. Tiffany groaned in response. She was the only one who knew about Jessica’s inappropriate feelings for her makeup artist, thus she was the one who had to be at the receiving ends of Jessica’s lovesick rant sessions.
“So what’d she do today?” Tiffany finally asked, giving in.
“Nothing out the ordinary,” Jessica admitted, “But she told me that I look better without makeup on.”
Tiffany hummed in response. She’d run out of things to say long ago.
“And she gave me a really big hug before she went home,” Jessica continued, sounding wistful.
“Hmm…” was Tiffany’s only reaction.
“It that it?” Jessica demanded, frustrated by the lack of response.
“What do you want me to say, Jess?”
Jessica opened her mouth to respond, but found that she didn’t really have an answer to that. There wasn’t anything that Tiffany could say to make her feel better about the situation. She supposed that maybe the other could tell her that Taeyeon was indeed very nice to her. And that Taeyeon was funny. And that Jessica wasn’t crazy for falling for someone like her. But saying that wouldn’t change anything.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry,” she apologized.
“It’s okay. I wish I could say something to make it better.”
“Me too,” Jessica admitted.
The two sat in silence for another moment, lost in thought. Or perhaps Tiffany was dozing off with the phone against her ear. Jessica hastily reminded herself that it was the middle of the night and she’d woken the other girl up.
“Go back to sleep,” she told her, “Sorry to bother you so late.”
“It’s okay,” Tiffany responded, but Jessica could hear the sleep creeping back into her voice.
“Alright, I’ll talk to you soon,” Jessica promised, “Love you. Goodnight.”
Tiffany reciprocated the sentiment and then they hung up. Jessica tossed her phone onto the floor and stared up at the ceiling. She wished that she would have been able to stay on the phone with Tiffany longer, but she knew that not everyone felt like talking on the phone at two in the morning. Still though, just knowing that someone was there was comforting.
So Jessica bent her knees and slid under her blankets, reaching over to turn off her lamp before she forced herself to relax- breathing deeply and calmly until she felt the edges of her mind get fuzzy as she drifted off to sleep.
Jessica had the first free afternoon that she’d had in weeks which meant that she would be spending it in a cozy coffee shop with Taeyeon. They frequented one place in Taeyeon’s neighborhood. It was just a family run business and it was mostly visited by middle aged men and women, rather than teenagers, so there was less of a chance that Jessica would be recognized. Still though, she always wore a knit hat and big sunglasses when she went out with Taeyeon and they always sat at a table tucked in the back corner with Jessica facing away from the rest of the shop. Just to be safe.
“I think I might want a pastry,” Taeyeon mused, sipping on her iced coffee.
“That does sound tempting,” Jessica agreed, digging into the pocket of her jeans and pulling out some cash, “What do you want?”
“What? Don’t get one for me,” Taeyeon protested, seeing the money in Jessica’s hand, “That’s ridiculous.”
“Well, I’m going to so…”
“No! Sica!” Taeyeon objected, laughing with incredulity, “If anything, I should be getting you-”
“You better tell me what you want or else I’m going to just get something random and you’ll have to eat it,” Jessica told her stubbornly, laughing as Taeyeon sighed at her.
“Fine, I’ll have a blueberry scone,” she relented, “But I really shouldn’t be letting you buy it for me.”
“Too bad,” Jessica grinned as Taeyeon made a face at her. She got up from their table and walked to the counter to order their pastries. It was ridiculous, really. Jessica had never been the romantic type, but Taeyeon seemed to bring out her natural instinct to woo a mate. Jessica was constantly doing things and buying things for the other girl. And not because Taeyeon expected her to or asked her to, or even that she thought that the gestures would win her over- Jessica just wanted
She sometimes wished that Taeyeon could see the way she treated her in comparison to her other friends. Not that she wasn’t nice to her friends, but she just went above and beyond with Taeyeon.
“Here’s your scone,” Jessica grinned, sitting back down in her seat.
“Thank you, but you really shouldn’t have,” Taeyeon scolded her, smiling nonetheless.
Jessica scoffed, waving it away.
“It was like two dollars,” she laughed, ripping a piece of her sweet bread off and sticking it in her mouth. But the truth was, the cost made no difference- Jessica loved to make Taeyeon happy and anything that made her happy was enough to get the pleased spark in her heart to ignite. Making Taeyeon smile was addictive.
Jessica sighed, readjusting the lyric sheets on the music stand in front of her just to do something with her hands. It was not her day. She’d been trying to finish up recording a song for an upcoming drama, but she’d been unable to hit the notes all day. Which was ridiculous. It wasn’t even an overly difficult song, but it just wasn’t working for her that day. Realistically, she should have been out of there three hours ago, but it seemed as though her body just refused to cooperate. As each minute passed by, she got more and more frustrated to the point where she didn’t have a chance at getting it right.
“Jessica, do you want to try it one more time?” the producer asked, voice coming through the speaker in the recording booth.
“Alright,” Jessica agreed, taking a deep breath as the music started. She listened to her own voice coming through her headphones, recorded on a better day. Jessica took another deep breath and began singing at her cue. It was alright, but when she came to the not-so-high high note, she could feel the strain on her vocal chords as she tried her hardest to hit it, not to mention the strained sound of her own voice echoing back at her. She stopped singing with a frustrated sigh. The music stopped and the producer’s voice came through again.
“Maybe we should just call it a day,” he suggested, sounding tired. Jessica nodded her head in defeat. She took off her headphones and left the recording booth, feeling a lump forming in her throat.
She politely bid goodnight to everyone in the studio before she left and climbed into her manager’s car. As she rode along in the backseat, she felt frustrated tears well up in her eyes. Trying to keep herself from crying, Jessica patted her pockets and found her phone. Without even thinking, she texted Taeyeon saying, Why is my voice broken?!
Just a moment later, she got a text in response: What happened? I was supposed to finish that OST song today, but my voice wouldn’t cooperate.
Aw it’s okay. You’ll get it done.
I feel like crying
, Jessica typed, wishing that the other girl was there to give her a hug. Don’t beat yourself up. It’ll work out. Hwaiting!
Jessica felt her heart warm even though she was still disappointed in herself. Thanks for listening to me complain.
It’s what I’m here for
, Taeyeon texted back to Jessica, who smiled at her phone. To listen to me whine?
She joked, not sure if she was trying to flirt or lift the suddenly heartfelt mood. Yes! Exactly!
Taeyeon responded. Jessica chuckled. Well then you need a new job. Or a higher salary
, she texted back, only a little ashamed at the innuendo her mind leapt to about the salary part. She knew that Taeyeon wouldn’t take it that way anyway. Nah, I do it for free! Haha. You are a saint, my dear!
Jessica blushed as she typed out the endearment, though she knew it was a playful tone that she was using. I know you’d do the same for me
Jessica stared at her phone, feeling her heart clench. Because she would. Of course she would. Though it was always her to text Taeyeon in a panic. She tried to think of a witty reply- maybe something about how Taeyeon was still more of a saint because Jessica was whinier. But that would imply that Taeyeon was whiny at all. Which she wasn’t.
The truest response would have been: Well yeah, but I’m in love with you. You don’t have any reason to listen to my shit
. But of course that was not something she could send her. So she sighed and typed out a lame response. Of course :)
Taeyeon didn’t text her back.
“Why am I doing this again?” Jessica whined, grasping onto her manager’s arm.
“It’s good publicity,” he told her, “It’ll make you seem more accessible.”
Jessica whimpered as he walked away to answer his cell phone.
“Suck it up you big baby,” Taeyeon teased as she touched up her blush.
“Yah!” Jessica pouted making the other girl giggle even more before she squeezed her shoulders reassuringly.
“You’ll be fine,” she told her more softly, leaning over so she spoke almost directly into Jessica’s ear and ruffling her hair with her warm breath. Jessica blushed, momentarily forgetting the fact that she had to walk through the haunted school that had been set up for the Halloween special that she was to be appearing on.
Jessica turned her head and smiled at the other girl, feeling her heart flutter. But before she could let herself drown in the euphoric haze that Taeyeon seemed to always have hovering around her, a staff member called her name and she jolted.
“Good luck!” Taeyeon called as she somberly made her way to the gathering of chairs in front of the building where the other idols were seated.
Jessica slid into her seat next to her assigned partner for the day: Kim Heechul. Which was slightly concerning considering he’d be all she had to protect herself from whatever was in those rooms. But regardless, she got along quite well with him.
When she had first debuted and he was already well established in the entertainment industry, he had teased her that she had the potential to become the female Kim Heechul since there was a slight edge to her personality. But due to the double standard of men and women, Jessica had to mask her more biting comments. Though, to be fair, Heechul could get away with saying things that no one else, no matter what gender, could get away with saying. He had his own category, it seemed.
“Sica!” he called enthusiastically as she scooted back in her chair, “Why do you look so pale?”
“I hate things like this,” she whined, nose wrinkling and arms wrapping protectively around herself.
“But it’ll be fun
!” he insisted, intentionally taunting her to be obnoxious.
She scowled at him as he grinned.
“You better not frown at me like that when the cameras are on or else my Petals
will tear you to pieces,” he laughed, teasing her. Though it wasn’t a lie.
“God, isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?” she groused, though she couldn’t keep the amused smirk from pulling at her lips, “I’m
the girl here.”
Heechul cackled and patted her knee comfortingly. Jessica had no idea whether having Heechul as a partner for this would be a blessing or a detriment.
,” Heechul complained after Jessica had let out yet another
ear piercing scream when a door had slammed behind them.
She opened her mouth to apologize, but found that no sound would come out- her vocal chords seemingly paralyzed unless she was so startled that she screamed. Instead she just held onto Heechul’s arm tighter, trying to edge behind him as they walked further into the room.
Fortunately, aside from being deafened by Jessica’s screams, Heechul was fairly calm. Jessica could tell that he was a little wary from the way his muscles were tensed, but he wouldn’t let himself appear on TV looking any less than in control, so he steeled himself and dragged Jessica around. They were in the last room now and Jessica felt like her nerves were frayed beyond repair- every little thing practically giving her a heart attack.
“Find the package in the room,” Heechul read the directions on the blackboard. Jessica whimpered, but followed when Heechul began to walk around the room, looking for the aforementioned package.
There was a bang on the wall they were standing right next to and Jessica screamed. Heechul groaned. More at the scream than the bang, Jessica suspected. Then a desk came across the room at them and Jessica screamed once more, knowing that her manager would scold her later for straining her voice so much. She kicked at the desk out of instinct.
“Come on, let’s go look over here,” Heechul suggested, leading Jessica over to the teacher’s desk which began to shake as they approached. Once again, Jessica screamed and kicked the desk in frustration until it stopped its movement.
“Stop kicking things!” Heechul chastised, bursting into laughter as he watched her eye the desk warily. She whined, fingernails digging into his forearm.
But Heechul spotted the package soon after that, leading her to safety even as she kicked at anything that moved.
The emcees made a big deal of their arrival back at the filming site outside of the school, Jessica still feeling her heart pounding even though she knew it was over. Heechul answered the emcees’ questions, somehow coming up with witty remarks even after all of that, but Jessica was completely drained. Ignoring the fact that she was on TV show, she just walked off the set and fell into Taeyeon’s arms, finally letting her tears fall as she stood in the other girl’s embrace.
As much as she wanted to just stay in the protective hold, the reality was that she was supposed to filming, so she felt herself being pulled back from the other girl and guided back to the set as someone pushed tissues into her shaking hands.
And like the good little idol she was, she managed to get out a few sentences about how scared she had been for the camera before she was allowed to sit down in her seat and try to relax as she watched another pair of celebrities go into the school.
When they had finally finished filming at 12:30 that night, Jessica latched onto Taeyeon’s arm, begging her to stay over so she wouldn’t have to sleep alone. Neither she nor Jessica’s manager could really argue with that so Taeyeon drove Jessica back to her apartment in her car as Jessica curled into herself in the passenger seat and whimpered.
“I’m getting wine,” Jessica announced as she walked into her apartment with Taeyeon, toeing off her shoes and heading for the kitchen.
“Sica! It’s almost two in the morning. Shouldn’t we just be going to bed?” Taeyeon exclaimed in disbelief.
“Maybe,” Jessica shrugged, pulling a bottle of chardonnay out of the fridge and pouring it into the two waiting glasses on the kitchen counter, “Here,” she thrust the second glass into Taeyeon’s hands and made for the living room with her glass and the bottle.
Taeyeon sighed, but followed, sitting down next to Jessica who was reclining and taking dainty, but frequent, sips of her wine. Jessica watched out of the corner of her eye as Taeyeon finally gave up and took the first swallow as well.
An hour later, they were sprawled on the couch with an empty wine bottle on the coffee table, giggling about Jessica’s first on-air performance. They’d already discussed the strange dynamics in some of the idol groups, the most bizarre conversations they’d overheard backstage, who was dating whom, and which of the male idols were probably gay.
“Do you like Heechul?” Taeyeon asked out of the blue as their laughter was dying down, her tongue adequately loose from the alcohol.
?!” Jessica practically shrieked, also verging on drunk- especially since she’d consumed more than half the bottle herself, “That’s retarded.”
“I dunno,” Taeyeon shrugged, “You guys just seem to get along well, that’s all.”
“But I don’t want to date
him,” Jessica exclaimed, voice much louder than the other girl’s.
“I know he looks good in fishnets, but he’s most definitely still male,” Jessica joked, not realizing what she’d said until she heard Taeyeon’s quiet ‘what’ from her right. Suddenly her heart was pounding, her hands were shaking, and she couldn’t bring herself to meet the other’s eyes.
“What- what do you mean he’s still male?” Taeyeon asked again.
“Of course Heechul’s a guy. What did you think?” Jessica tried to joke, but she could hear the shake in her voice. Fuck.
,” Taeyeon said seriously, eyes on Jessica’s profile.
“Okay,” she sighed, knowing that she’d backed herself into a corner- she had to come clean now, “I- I’m not attracted to men. I like women.”
Jessica sucked in a breath, clasping her hands together in her lap, and waiting with downcast eyes for Taeyeon to say something- trying to prepare herself for the worst.
“Jessica,” Taeyeon said again, but softer this time, “Why didn’t you ever tell me? Is this new?”
“No,” she admitted, still watching her own trembling hands, “I just…I didn’t know how to bring it up.”
“Who else knows?”
“Well, my family and Tiffany, but that’s it. No one in the industry knows.”
“You should have told me,” Taeyeon told her, pulling at her shoulder so she was forced to look at her.
“I know,” Jessica conceded, “I was just…afraid.”
“Why would you be afraid to tell me?”
“I don’t know…I was afraid it would change things or you’d be freaked out.”
“God Sica, of course I wouldn’t be freaked out!” Taeyeon exclaimed, “C’mere, give me a hug.”
Jessica immediately fell into Taeyeon’s open arms, body relaxing against the other girl’s warm body. And before she knew it, she was crying- wetting the material of Taeyeon’s shirt with her tears. She’d always been an emotional drunk and now she was cursing herself for having had so much wine. This was so embarrassing and not how she’d ever imagined telling Taeyeon about her sexuality.
“What’s wrong?” Taeyeon murmured, hand stroking up and down Jessica’s back.
“You’re so great,” she said, burying her face in Taeyeon’s neck as she felt more tears leak from her closed eyes.
“Thank you,” Taeyeon chuckled, “But why are you crying, Sica?”
“I’m so glad that I finally told you,” she wept, voice muffled, “I feel better.”
“But-” Jessica pulled back, looking at the other girl’s questioning face through teary eyes and feeling her heart and resolve melting, “I have to tell you something…I love you.”
She was strangely calm. She’d just confessed her love to one of her best friends- not to mention someone she worked with- who was most likely straight. According to all logic, she should have been freaking out, but she wasn’t. It was as if just saying it out loud to who was meant to hear it quieted her mind- like the secrets had been bouncing noisily around in her head for all of these years and finally letting them out left her calmer than she’d been in so long.
Jessica watched as Taeyeon absorbed the information. She could tell that, at first, she’d been about to mindlessly reciprocate- as though Jessica had expressed her platonic affections- but then her face changed as she really began to understand what had just happened.
When Taeyeon still hadn’t responded after what felt like an eternity, Jessica felt the first hints of panic roll through her. The other girl didn’t look disgusted or like she was about to bolt, but Jessica couldn’t tell what she was thinking at all- she just looked completely dumbfounded.
“Please don’t let things become weird between us,” Jessica blurted out, unable to handle the silence anymore.
“Of- of course not!” Taeyeon stuttered, hands grasping at Jessica’s to show her sincerity, “I just…I just had no idea. I’m really flattered.”
Jessica smiled at her friend, able to tell that she was being completely earnest with what she was saying. But she could feel her heart getting a bit heavy- it seemed as though Taeyeon was easing her way into a polite rejection.
“How could you even fall for me?” Taeyeon chuckled lightly, eyes gazing at nothing, “You’re an idol
. I’m just your makeup artist. You could have anyone.” She shook her head, laughing to herself.
Jessica frowned- did Taeyeon not believe her?
“You know you could have anyone right?” Taeyeon pressed, eyes now focused on Jessica.
“I don’t know if that’s true, but
-” she cut Taeyeon off before she could argue, “I don’t want just anyone. I love you
. I already said that…” she trailed off, blushing and looking away.
But before she could apologize again and suggest they forget the whole thing, Taeyeon’s lips were suddenly on hers and she was pretty positive that she came extremely close to just falling over in shock from the whole thing. She mentally congratulated herself for managing to remain relatively upright.
When Taeyeon pulled away, looking at her shyly and biting at her bottom lip, Jessica was glassy-eyed- still in a daze from what had happened.
“What…what just happened
?” she exclaimed, disbelief seeping into her words.
“You really think that I could spend all of this time with you and not
fall for you?” Taeyeon asked, incredulous.
“I don’t…I didn’t-”
“You’re perfect, Sica,” Taeyeon said, voice quiet.
This time it was Jessica who lunged forward and caught Taeyeon’s lips in a kiss- one that deepened almost immediately and caused them to end up horizontal on the couch, hands mapping out bodies with enthusiasm only brought forth from years of holding back.
When they finally made it to bed- falling onto the soft mattress in only their underwear after they’d satisfied their long-repressed desires in the living room- Jessica’s mind and body were humming with satisfaction and elation like she hadn’t felt since she’d held her first solo concert and heard her fans chanting for an encore.
Two hours of sleep was not enough, but waking up with Taeyeon pressed against her made it all more than worth it.
“Jessica, it has become a hot topic that you have been wearing less makeup recently,” the emcee said to her, “And fans have been commenting on your natural beauty. Is there a reason why you’ve begun this more natural style?”
Jessica grinned, mind immediately going to Taeyeon (who was backstage at this very moment, most likely cracking up) and how she’d slowly begun decreasing the amount of makeup that she put on Jessica, insisting that she looked better without it. She trusted Taeyeon and so did her manager (though for very different reasons), so it had progressed until Jessica was just wearing the makeup necessary for broadcast, though it all looked completely natural and as though she was bare-faced.
“A dear friend of mine has expressed that she thinks I wear too much makeup and she encouraged me to wear less, even for performances. She has excellent taste,” Jessica managed to keep from smirking at her own compliment to herself that would earn her a good-natured smack from Taeyeon when she was done filming, “and I’m glad that I listened to her.”
The emcee went on to question the other female guests about their own makeup routines, but Jessica stopped listening- she was too busy being stupidly head over heels and grinning as she thought about her wonderful girlfriend.
She’d probably be questioned about why she was smiling so much more now the next time she was interviewed. Eventually she was going to run out of excuses and she’d end up just blurting out that she was madly in love with her makeup artist.
Jessica had to cover her snort of laughter with a cough when she imagined the emcee’s face in reaction to that
confession. Maybe someday she’d get to see it for real.