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The Garden of Earthly Delights
My Mind Is My Best Friend And My Worst Enemy
Why a Hobo Would Make a Better Friend Than Kwon Yuri (TaengSic) 
28th-Sep-2012 03:21 am
Title: Why a Hobo Would Make a Better Friend Than Kwon Yuri
Pairing: Taeyeon/Jessica, bff!Taeyeon/Yuri
Rating: PG-13
Genre(s): humor, romance, crack
Word Count: 1,860
Summary: The two times that Taeyeon failed to meet a girl (while Yuri was hit on by everything with a pulse) and the one time that she succeeded.


“That was the worst thing ever,” Taeyeon complained, following behind Yuri as she crossed the street.

“It was not the worst thing ever,” Yuri laughed, slowing down a bit so Taeyeon didn't have to speed walk to keep up with her.

“Easy for you to say!” Taeyeon accused, “Like, ten girls gave you their number!”

“It was two,” Yuri corrected.

“And you're already kind of seeing those two guys,” Taeyeon went on, readjusting her purse strap and huffing loudly when Yuri didn't seem to feel even the least bit sorry about that evening.

Taeyeon had just finally worked up the courage to go to a girl bar and she'd convinced Yuri, open to dating both boys and girls, to come with her for moral support. But Yuri had spent the entire night getting hit on while Taeyeon just sat there. Alone.

“I shouldn't have brought such a pretty friend with me,” Taeyeon lamented, “Maybe I should have brought a hobo so I'd look particularly good in comparison.”

“Taeyeon, I am not prettier than you,” Yuri told her, laughing and shaking her head like Taeyeon was insane.

“Uh huh,” Taeyeon replied sarcastically, “That's obviously how we ended up like this: you with two phone numbers and me with none.”

“You didn't get any phone numbers because you were glaring at your drink like you were going to punch whoever approached you.”

“I was glaring because there were thousands of girls flocking around you!” Taeyeon defended, “I'm sure that plenty of people would have reacted the same way.”

“But before that, you were looking down like you hoped that no one would even notice you.”

“That's not true...”

“Yes it is,” Yuri argued, “If you smiled and made eye contact, there'd be thousands,” she used air quotes to mock Taeyeon for her earlier exaggeration, “of girls crowding around you too.”

“Doubtful,” Taeyeon scoffed.

“I promise,” Yuri pressed, “We'll go back next weekend and I'll show you.”


“Smile, Taeyeon,” Yuri instructed, graciously thanking the bartender when she passed her her Long Island Iced Tea.

“Just...at the room as a whole? You want me to turn around on my stool and just smile idiotically at nothing?” Taeyeon complained.

“Not at nothing,” Yuri corrected, spinning in her own seat so she was partially facing Taeyeon and partially facing the room, “Look amiable and look around the room, and then when you meet someone's eyes, smile.”

Taeyeon sighed, but decided to give it a try. Worst case scenario, she could tell Yuri that she was dead wrong and that she was inviting a hobo next time.

She scanned the room, trying not to scowl when a girl came to sit next to Yuri after just five minutes. She had to look friendly and approachable. And not like she wanted to roll her eyes at Yuri's theories.

“Hey,” a voice sounded from beside her and Taeyeon nearly spilled her drink she was so surprised.

“Hi,” she replied, smiling at the girl next to her. The girl had reddish brown hair that fell below her shoulder blades and shone even in the low light of the bar. She was smiling warmly, eyes disappearing into tiny crescents. There was no doubt that she was beautiful.

“I'm Tiffany,” the girl introduced herself, “Is it okay if I sit here?”

“Of course!” Taeyeon told her, watching with disbelief as this attractive girl sat down next to her.

“Thanks,” Tiffany said, “I was starting to feel awkward just standing there by myself.”

“You came alone?”

“No, my friend dragged me here because she didn't want to come by herself,” Tiffany explained, “She said that I was the perfect friend to bring since I'm not interested in girls so I wouldn't be competition.”

Taeyeon felt herself deflate. Tiffany wasn't interested. She was straight. And bored.

“Your friend is smart,” she said rather than show her disappointment, glancing at her own friend out of the corner of her eye, “Where is she now?”

“She's dancing over there somewhere,” Tiffany told her, motioning to the small dance floor on the other side of the bar, “You're here with your friend?” she asked, motioning to Yuri. Who was talking to someone else now Taeyeon couldn't help but notice.

“Yeah,” Taeyeon nodded, failing to mention that she was the one who had initially dragged Yuri here. It was less embarrassing if Tiffany just assumed that she was straight too.


“Of course the one straight girl in the room comes up to talk to me,” Taeyeon sighed when she and Yuri were standing next to each other on the subway, grasping onto the silver pole by the door so they didn't lose their balance when the trained stopped and started.

“At least you looked approachable?” Yuri tried, “She obviously thought that you looked friendly.”

“And yet here we are again,” Taeyeon said, exasperated, “You with tons of numbers and me with none.”

“Well you talked to that straight girl the whole night!” Yuri pointed out, “Obviously you didn't get any numbers.”

“I hate my life.”

“We're going back next weekend.”

Taeyeon groaned and let herself be rocked by the moving train. She was really going to have to start hanging out with hobos.


“Do I still have to smile?”

“Yes, obviously.”

“That clearly didn't work out last weekend!” Taeyeon pointed out.

“So you think that smiling only attracts straight girls? Or maybe your smile just attracts straight girls with some sort of gravitational pull?” Yuri laughed, “I think scientists would want to study that. Maybe you should volunteer yourself as a test subject?”

“You're not even funny,” Taeyeon sniffed, turning in her seat so her back was to Yuri.

“Lighten up,” Yuri urged, smacking her shoulder playfully, “If you sit there being pissed at me, you're going to look like a serial killer again.”

“When did I look like a serial killer before?” Taeyeon wanted to know.

“The first time we came here.”

“Fuck,” Taeyeon cursed, taking a swig of her drink.


After suffering through having to overhear two separate girls hit on Yuri, Taeyeon found her eyes stopping on someone across the room. She'd been kind of aimlessly scanning the room before, but now her gaze was stuck.

“Yuri,” she hissed when the girl who'd been talking to Yuri had wandered away.

“Yeah?” Yuri turned so she was facing Taeyeon.

“Look at that girl.”

“Which one?” Yuri asked, trying to see where Taeyeon was looking.

“The one in the button up shirt and skinny jeans,” she said, “Light brown hair and bangs.”

“Oh, yeah I see her,” Yuri told her, “What about her?”

“What do you mean what about her?” Taeyeon demanded, “She's gorgeous!”

“She's pretty,” Yuri agreed, but Taeyeon didn't think that she was fully appreciating the other girl's looks with the evenness of her voice. Taeyeon, on the other hand, was squeezing her crumpled napkin in one hand and nervously tapping on the glass of her drink with the other.

“Try to catch her eye,” Yuri suggested.

“And then what?!”

“Smile?” Yuri said, looking at her like she'd gone completely insane. She probably had.

“You think she'll come over?”

“Probably,” Yuri shrugged, “Oh, she's starting to look over here. Quick! Catch her eye!”

Taeyeon wasn't quite sure how to go about catching a stranger's eye across the room so she just kind of looked at the other girl and hoped that their eyes would meet. She was half convinced that she looked like a creepy stalker, but she knew that Yuri would make fun of her forever if she didn't at least try...

Suddenly she felt like a bolt of lightning had hit her in the chest. The girl was looking at her. Her. Not Yuri, but her. To be fair, it could have been because she was afraid for her safety, but still. It was something.

Okay, so smile. Right, smile.

Taeyeon smiled hesitantly, feeling her heart start to pound when she saw the other girl's lips lift in return. And then the girl kind of tipped her chin, like she was asking if she could join her. Taeyeon nearly choked on her own spit before she nodded, probably too enthusiastically, but whatever. Then the girl started to make her way over.

“Yuri!” Taeyeon squeaked, “She's coming over! What do I say?”

“Hi, my name is Taeyeon?” Yuri replied, still seeming perplexed by Taeyeon's lack of social skills. Or at least lack of social instincts in stressful situations like this. When incredibly good looking girls were coming over to sit next to her.

“Then what?”

“Um...I want to fuck you in the bathroom?” Yuri said, laughing.


But then the girl was in front of her so she couldn't tell her friend to stop being such a pervert. And an unhelpful pervert at that.

“Can I join you?” the girl asked, and Taeyeon nodded dumbly.

She was even more beautiful up close.

“My name's Jessica,” she introduced herself as she sat.

“My name is...Taeyeon,” Taeyeon replied a beat too late. She wanted to hit her head against the polished wood of the bar.

Jessica's lips quirked, but thankfully, she didn't comment.

“You're not straight, are you?” Taeyeon found herself blurting out before she could stop herself.

Jessica looked at her, surprised, before she burst out laughing- delicate hand coming up to cover her mouth. And as much as Taeyeon wished that she hadn't already said something awkward, the sight of Jessica laughing was definitely one that she enjoyed.

“Oh my god,” Jessica breathed, mirth still visible on her face, “That's...either the best or worst pick up line I've ever heard.”

At Taeyeon's blank look, she burst into laughter again, clapping her hands like it was all the funniest joke she'd ever heard. Taeyeon wasn't sure if she should be concerned that Jessica was still laughing at her or if she should just be glad that they weren't sitting in silence like she'd feared.


“No, I'm not straight,” Jessica finally answered, cheeks flushed from laughing and her grin coming easily.

Taeyeon noted how different she looked smiling like she was than how she'd looked walking over to her. Before, she'd seemed so intimidating and serious. But now she looked like someone whom Taeyeon could talk to. And yet still she was stunning.

“Are you straight?” Jessica asked when Taeyeon didn't immediately respond, lips twisting like she was trying not to burst out laughing again. Her eyes were sparkling and Taeyeon felt something flutter in the pit of her stomach.

“No,” she replied and Jessica grinned.



See? I told you that you could easily meet someone!” Yuri gloated, pushing Taeyeon through the turn-style that led to the subway.

Taeyeon wanted to tell Yuri that it wasn't exactly easy. And that it had taken three trips, during which Yuri had gotten countless phone numbers. But she was too busy smiling to herself, replaying her conversation with Jessica in her head. Or at least the parts where she didn't embarrass herself.

“So will you let me go places with you?” Yuri asked, “Or are you still dead set on the hobo?”

“We'll see,” Taeyeon teased, grinning when Yuri squawked indignantly, “At least you smell better.”

sica jersey
28th-Sep-2012 08:24 am (UTC)
spot for mywookness :)
3rd-Oct-2012 10:17 pm (UTC)
I read this a long time ago but finally found the time to comment ~

taeyeon is so squishy in this ~ /squish squish/
“What do you mean what about her?” Taeyeon demanded, “She's gorgeous!”
Gorjess? lol. I see what you did there.
“You're not straight, are you?” Taeyeon found herself blurting out before she could stop herself.
best pick up line, evar. gonna try that one out myself.

(i'm so happy it's taengsic. all this taeny atm makes me thirsty for taengsic)
3rd-Oct-2012 10:30 pm (UTC)
lmao yes she is very squishy XD
gorjess~ it's so true
lol let me know how that goes!
and i am always thirsty for taengsic! i posted my summer exchange fic recently and it's taengsic also :)
thanks for reading and commenting!
3rd-Oct-2012 11:03 pm (UTC)
i'd like to just have my own taeyeon to cuddle with all day long. but first i'd need a seohyun.
she is gorjess! she has a word created for her beauty!
i am reading that atm~
speaking of exchanges, how is the femme big bang? only two weeks and a bit left ~
thank you so much for writing and replying~
3rd-Oct-2012 11:23 pm (UTC)
cuddling with seohyun and/or taeyeon would definitely be enjoyable
uh...it's going? kinda OTL i'm probably halfway done? i have the key scenes planned out, but it's just the connecting bits that are giving me trouble. but i'll get it done. lol. how is yours?
4th-Oct-2012 01:08 am (UTC)
just play with them all day and ship em together and stuffs~
i'm like, 7 k? i know i have so much more to write 'cause they just met and all but i don't feel like writing but i know i should so i can have time to beta but ughhhhhh. but either than that, quite well.
28th-Sep-2012 09:42 am (UTC)
dawwwww. Awkward Taeyeon! Blank taeyeon! Socially incapable taeyeon! This shot is so damn cute :)
ilu /runs
28th-Sep-2012 07:03 pm (UTC)
haha awkward taeng is adorable
i'm glad you liked it!
thanks for reading and commenting!
28th-Sep-2012 04:50 pm (UTC)
That was absolutely adorable! It was a perfect blend of sweet and funny.
28th-Sep-2012 07:04 pm (UTC)
thank you!
i'm glad that you enjoyed it ^^
thanks for reading and commenting!
28th-Sep-2012 06:53 pm (UTC) - Found you!
i found you! this is roisoleil@ssf we talked in sunsica thread and I'm so happy I finally found you! hahahahaha

do you remember me?

this story is so cute! but i was actually hoping that either taeyeon or jessica will be hobo in this story, lmao... hobotaeng is the best thing in the world tbh.. and hobosica is the next best thing, lol...

and awww tiffany is straight, lmao

write more~
28th-Sep-2012 07:06 pm (UTC) - Re: Found you!
i do remember you! i'm glad you found me! and it seems fitting that your name is agent_jung since you're finding people lmao
haha i can't imagine jessica adapting well to hobo life XD
i'm glad you liked it!
thanks for reading and commenting!
28th-Sep-2012 09:38 pm (UTC) - Re: Found you!
well... i always wanted to see a janitor!jessica in a fic tbh.. after that running man episode when she was inside that barrel thing, lol.. and hobotaeng.. you know how she can be super disoriented in airport pictures... lol

oh by the way, i really really love your jevampti 2 shot
29th-Sep-2012 12:17 am (UTC) - Re: Found you!
lol taeyeon does sometimes look a bit disheveled

thank oyu! i always feel like that fic never reached its potential, but i'm glad you liked it! ^^
30th-Sep-2012 07:45 am (UTC) - Re: Found you!
secretly i'm still hoping for that epilogue for the jeti two shot to happen.. but you know... it's not like writing can be forced, right? it'll feel ~unnatural~

still, give yourself a pat tho ♥
30th-Sep-2012 07:57 am (UTC) - Re: Found you!
i still have it in my head that i want to write it. but i guess i'll just have to wait for my muses to think it's a good idea lmao

aw thanks :)
29th-Sep-2012 05:38 am (UTC)
Lol... Taeyeon cute here with her awkwardness ...

I admit that might have been the best or worse pick-up line... ^_^
29th-Sep-2012 05:53 am (UTC)
yeah i think that only taeyeon could pull off that pick up line and it's just because she's adorable lol
thanks for reading and commenting!
4th-Oct-2012 12:46 am (UTC) - A pickup line that I would fall for...
Great short. I really want you to do a sequel, I assume that either Jessica and Tiff were friends? that would be a funny oneshot to have Taeyeon be introduced as the gf. lol. Love it.
4th-Oct-2012 01:54 am (UTC) - Re: A pickup line that I would fall for...
i actually never really decided who tiffany's friend was. it really would be hilarious if it was jessica so tiffany and taeyeon would meet again under different circumstances lol
thanks for reading and commenting!
5th-Jan-2013 04:05 am (UTC)
Ohmahgad this is fantastic (I know I say that a lot but I stand behind what I say!) but legit Taeyeon should have grabbed a hobo to see how it would have worked out.

Also, I feel like I would probably be exactly like Taeyeon in that situation. Bring a friend, friend gets hit on, I get grumpy, no one continues to hit on me ㅎㅎ
5th-Jan-2013 04:49 am (UTC)
yay! i'm glad you liked it!
well, she could have, but that would have been kind of smelly so...
and yeah. i defintiely wrote this imagining what it'd be like if i was in taeyeon's situation. b/c this would so happen to me. well not the jessica part, sadly. but the other stuff lol.
thanks for reading and commenting!
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