Genre(s): crack, humor, romance
Word Count: 1,553
Summary: In which Taemin thinks he's a wise, old wizard, Kibum has problems, and Jonghyun is useless.
a/n: If you want to know what this is...I don't have an answer for you OTL Also, I'm really sorry I've been MIA. I've got a bunch of long fics in the works, so even though I'm writing...nothing is getting finished /sighs
Kibum was in somewhat of a pickle. The thing was, he really needed advice. But the problem was that he usually went to Minho for advice. And this time, the thing he needed advice about was Minho.
So naturally, going to Minho was out of the question.
When he'd decided to take a chance and ask his best friend, Jonghyun had proceeded to make lewd suggestions and so many dick jokes that Kibum actually lost track. That had been entirely unhelpful. Not that he was surprised.
Jinki was always an option, but he felt like asking the leader for romantic advice was kind of weird. Jinki already had to deal with all of their problems regarding the group; it wasn't really fair to make him listen to their personal life woes as well.
Besides, Kibum could picture how it would go. Jinki would take the whole thing very seriously and sit him down to warn him about the consequences of what he was contemplating. And while he'd appreciate being taken seriously (especially after having to watch Jonghyun miming a blow job until Kibum had punched him on the shoulder hard enough that Jonghyun whined about his bruise for two days straight), he kind of didn't want to make it such a big deal.
So that left Taemin.
It wasn't that Kibum didn't like Taemin or something because he adored him. But he just couldn't imagine getting advice from the younger boy when it had always been the other way around. What kind of advice would Taemin be able to give him anyway?
Nevertheless, it was pretty much his only option at that point since he really didn't want to talk to anyone outside of the group about this yet. So when they had a free night, Kibum decided to see if Taemin had any insight about his current situation.
He just needed a few drinks first.
By the time Kibum was feeling relaxed enough to approach Taemin, the other boy was quite a bit more drunk than he was. He knew that because Taemin was sitting on the couch by himself, staring into space like he was pondering the meaning of life. Tipsy Taemin was loud and hyper and thought that everything was funny. Drunk Taemin was...kind of creepy.
Even so, Kibum made sure that the other three were fully invested in their game of flip cup in the kitchen before he made his way to the living room to sit next to Taemin on the couch.
“Taemin?” he ventured, wondering if the younger boy was even capable of listening in this state.
“Yes?” Taemin replied, eyes still straight ahead.
Kibum cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably. “I...need some advice.”
“You've come to the right person,” Taemin told him, voice steady and words clear. It seemed like he was over-compensating for being drunk by speaking more clearly than he did when he was sober.
“Um...right. I, uh, it's about Minho?” Kibum rolled his eyes at himself. He was not going to let drunk Taemin be more eloquent than him. Not okay.
“I assumed so,” Taemin said calmly.
“Okay. Well. Good then,” Kibum sat up straight and looked forward like Taemin was rather than watching his stoic profile. It was kind of like he was in confessional except he wasn't Catholic so he didn't go to confessional. This was just getting weirder.
“You want to know what the next step is,” Taemin intoned.
“Well, yes,” Kibum affirmed, trying not to be freaked out by how observant Taemin actually was, “I mean, you see how we are, right? How he is? He acts like...fuck, I feel like I'm in high school.” Kibum ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
“This whole guessing thing,” he explained, “Like, what are we even doing? Because if it's not leading to...I don't know. Something. Then what are we doing?”
“You're waiting for him to do something?” Taemin asked, each syllable crisp and clear.
Kibum paused. “I...maybe? I can't just ask him if he...likes me,” he hissed, leaning forward to rest his head in hands.
“Why not?” He said it in that way people do when they already know the answer, but they want the other person to figure it out for themselves. Kibum pushed his irritation down.
“Because...what if I'm wrong? I don't want to be the asshole who ruined everything.”
“You really think that Minho would let that ruin anything?”
Kibum took note of the lack of honorific.
“Then you have more to lose if you don't say something.”
“Taemin!” Kibum snapped, tired of feeling like he was talking to a phone app or a monk or something- this was serious and Taemin was acting like the answer was obvious, “I'm not going to bet on probably.”
“Compasses may point North, but only you can know the true path.”
“Complacence is not tranquility. Nor is it fate. And tranquility can only be sought once you have completed the test of time and love. Only then will you feel the vibrations of nature in your soul.”
“Let the wind in your heart guide you to him whose heart is your sail.”
“What are you talking about?”
Taemin sighed and finally turned to face Kibum who was staring at him as though he had been speaking in tongues.
“Talk to Minho.”
Taemin faced forward again and closed his eyes. Kibum guessed that that meant that their conversation was over. If it could even be called that.
He got up, warily glancing back at the motionless younger boy, and walked toward his bedroom- nearly running into Minho in the hall near the bathroom.
“Why do you look like you just saw someone kick a kitten?” he asked, deep voice sending an immediate spike of adrenaline through Kibum's body.
“I was talking to Taemin,” he explained, which really shouldn't have been explanation enough, but Minho nodded knowingly.
“That kid thinks he's a wise, old wizard or something when he's drunk,” Jonghyun interjected as he passed them on his way to the bathroom.
Minho snorted at that before turning his attention back to Kibum.
“Are you feeling okay though?” Minho asked with concern in his big eyes, “You didn't drink too much?”
“No, I'm fine,” Kibum laughed except it sounded wrong because he was too busy thinking about what Taemin had said (the small bit of it that had actually made sense) to tease Minho for acting like his mother.
Minho's brows furrowed and Kibum sighed, leaning against the wall.
“What's wrong?” he asked, taking a step closer to Kibum and putting a hand on his arm.
The warmth against his skin was almost enough to make Kibum forget what he was agonizing over, but not quite.
Kibum just sighed at him.
“C'mon,” Minho urged, reaching up to stroke the backs of his fingers over Kibum's cheek, moving slowly like Kibum was an unpredictable animal that might snap at him if he wasn't careful.
“What are you doing?” Kibum finally asked plainly, eyes locking with Minho's.
“What do you mean?” Minho looked confused, “Seeing what's wrong-”
“No, I mean all the time. What are you doing? What are we doing?”
Kibum sucked in a breath as he watched Minho's features morph into a look of understanding before he frowned. Kibum was fairly certain that he was having a miniature panic attack inside.
“Isn't it...obvious?” Minho asked, back to looking confused.
Minho's eyebrows furrowed so deeply then that he kind of looked like a little kid trying his best to look like he was thinking really hard, which would have been hilarious had Kibum not been freaking the fuck out.
“Oh,” Minho said after an extended pause. Oh. Just...oh.
Kibum was about to demand an explanation when his back was suddenly pressed hard into the wall and Minho's lips were on his, kissing him a little sloppily. But sloppy was okay considering he wasn't sure he was even kissing back since his brain was busy exploding. Alcohol, weird conversations with Taemin, and then Minho kissing him was a lot for his mind to take.
“So...obvious enough?” Minho asked when he pulled back, lips slick with spit and very distracting to Kibum's muddled mind.
He managed to nod, about to lean in to kiss him again when he heard a voice from his left.
“A bridge isn't a bridge without water.”
They both turned to look at Taemin who was smiling serenely.
But then the bathroom door opened and Jonghyun was attempting to wolf whistle at them.
“What's going o- oh,” Jinki stared at them, having come to see why Jonghyun was making strange sounds.
Kibum sighed, scowling.
“Why isn't anyone normal?” he whined, turning to glare at Jonghyun since Taemin wasn't really doing anything at the moment and Jinki was still staring at them like he thought that maybe he was so drunk that he was seeing things.
Jonghyun just grinned and made an obscene gesture which had Kibum launching himself out of Minho's hold and against Jonghyun, effectively body-slamming him against the opposite wall.
“Oow,” Jonghyun complained, “Kibum! You didn't have to be so rough.”
“Justice is the balm that brings change,” Taemin added at the same time that Minho burst into laughter.
Jonghyun stared at Taemin like he'd suddenly sprouted a tail.