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The Garden of Earthly Delights
My Mind Is My Best Friend And My Worst Enemy
That's What She (Charmingly) Said (het!KrisBaek) 
10th-Jun-2013 08:21 pm
Title: That's What She (Charmingly) Said
Pairing: Kris/girl!Baekhyun
Rating: PG-13
Genre(s): crack, humor, romance, fluff
Warning(s): gynecology!, girl!Baekhyun, briefly mentioned girl!Kyungsoo
Word Count: 2,291
Summary: Baekhyun finds her gynecologist hot beyond all reason. She is inconvenienced (and mortified) by this fact. (exOBGYN!AU, same verse as Familiar Faces in Unfamiliar Places)
a/n: Somewhat inspired by these Scrubs clips (3:00, 14:00, 15:10, 16:50). Life updates in a/n at the end.


Holy fucking shit, was the first thing that came to mind when Baekhyun saw her gynecologist walk into the room. She knew he was a man, but she had not been expecting a man quite so...stunning? Handsome? Breath-taking? Yeah, any of those adjectives would work. What wouldn't work was her brain since it was obvious that he'd asked her a question and was waiting for an answer.

“I'm sorry, could you repeat that?” Baekhyun asked, tilting her head as she smiled.

Dr. Wu raised his eyebrows in mild amusement before asking again, “Is there anything you're concerned about? Any irregularities?”

Baekhyun quickly shook her head, “Nope, everything's perfect.”

So perfect that you should be honored that I'd let you see even if you weren't my gynecologist, was what Baekhyun hoped was implied.

Look at his hands, she thought to herself. They were so...big. (That's what she said, she mentally supplied because she was mature like that.) She knew for a fact that the whole size of a man's feet thing had nothing to do with the size of his dick. The distance between the tip of his index finger to the tip of his thumb however...and wow, that was quite a distance.

Even ignoring the fact that he was obviously quite gifted in certain areas, those fingers were going to be in her in a second and Baekhyun couldn't help the anticipation that settled into her gut at that knowledge.

“So it says here your last period was two weeks ago, correct?”

Baekhyun couldn't help the flush that stained her cheeks and crept down her neck. She typically didn't discuss her menstrual cycle with guys whom she had the hots for.

Nodding, she crossed her legs under the paper draped over her paper-gown clad lap and flipped a loose curl over her shoulder. Just because she wasn't dressed and was sitting on an examination table didn't mean that she couldn't flirt!

But Dr. Wu didn't seem to be responding like most guys did when she shot them her charming smile. Well, that was disheartening.

Instead he just walked over to the table (as Baekhyun admired the strong slope of his nose) and requested that Baekhyun place a hand on his shoulder while he tugged down her gown so that he could get a hand on her breast.

Baekhyun's brain was sending her mixed signals. On the one hand, the man whom she had been admired was feeling her up. On the other, she was at a doctor's appointment. She was torn between blushing, letting herself feel the tendrils of arousal that came when his palm made brief contact with her nipple, and thinking about something else entirely like she usually did when she was at the gynecologist.

When Baekhyun had pulled her gown back up, there was a knock at the door that had her clutching the flimsy paper where it gaped in the back.

Fortunately, whoever was at the door chose to call through the wood instead of entering the room.

“Dr. Wu?” the voice of what she assumed to be a nurse said, “There's a patient on the phone for you. I don't think it's an emergency, but she's refusing to wait until you're done with this exam to speak to you.”

Dr. Wu sighed.

“Do you mind if I take that call really quickly?” he asked, shooting Baekhyun an apologetic look, “I think I know who's on the phone and she won't stop calling until I talk to her.”

“It's fine,” Baekhyun assured him with an easy smile and a casual wave of her hand. Hopefully this would show him how easy going and adaptable she was. Just the kind of girl anyone would be lucky to date.

The smile she got in return was enough to have her stomach flipping and her cheeks tinging pink.

With Dr. Wu out of the room, Baekhyun's mind was free to wander without the possibility of getting asked a question and finding herself completely unaware of what she was even supposed to be answering. Unfortunately, her mind chose to wander in a direction that involved Dr. Wu's long fingers on her thighs, on her hips, inside of her. And the images only got more vivid from there.

By the time Dr. Wu returned with an apologetic smile as he washed his hands again, Baekhyun had gotten herself all worked up. Which usually wasn't an issue since no one other than herself would know. She'd always thought about how glad she was to be a girl since she didn't have to worry about getting aroused in public. But right then, it was a very big problem considering the man who had gotten her to this point (unknowingly, of course) was about to come face to face with her vagina. And it'd be more than obvious that she was turned on.

“Lay back, please,” Dr. Wu requested, sitting down on the stool positioned at the end of the examination table.

Baekhyun tried to think about the least sexy things imaginable- cleaning bathrooms, Ugg boots, her roommate, Chanyeol, when he hadn't showered in two days- as she laid down, but she knew the damage was done.

Feet in the stirrups, Baekhyun stared at the ceiling and practically held her breath as Dr. Wu informed her that he was going to begin her pelvic exam. She'd been half expecting him to make a comment, but really, it wasn't like he'd be like, “Wow, look how wet you are for me.” No. Not so much. This wasn't a porn movie, despite what her body was telling her.

And it wasn't like he was going to thank her for providing her own lubrication. Especially since he'd used lube anyway.

When he finally slid his finger into her, it was all Baekhyun could do not to sigh. It was so humiliating to find any aspect of gynecological examination arousing. It was the kind of thing that guys would think up- assuming that girls all got turned on at the gynecologist or something. It made her think of that time in high school when a male friend of hers asked if it felt good to put in a tampon (to which she replied with an emphatic no). But here she was, enjoying the slide of Dr. Wu's finger pushing into her. She was officially the biggest freak in the history of humanity.

“Everything looks good,” Dr. Wu told her, throwing his gloves away as Baekhyun sat up and fixed her hair, “Normal. Everything looks normal.”

“That's goo-”

“I just have to ask,” he hastily went on, avoiding her gaze, “You aren't always...”

“No!” Baekhyun exclaimed frantically, cheeks burning, “No, I'm not...always...”

“Okay, just making sure since that could be a symptom of something,” he explained, looking mortified at having had to bring it up.

But Baekhyun was willing to guess that his embarrassment wasn't even in the same realm as hers. No, she was pretty sure that no one had ever been this humiliated before. It was taking all of her self control not to just run out of the examination room right then. (The fact that she was still in the paper gown was really the biggest reason why she deemed fleeing to be a bad idea.)

“Alright, well,” Dr. Wu cleared his throat, “You can get dressed and then you're all set to go.”

Baekhyun nodded, pretending that this (obscenely attractive) man hadn't just been witness to her inappropriate arousal.

With everything said and done, it was easily the most embarrassing afternoon of Baekhyun's life.


Against her better judgment (and the better judgment of her best friend, Kyungsoo, whom she'd lamented to on the phone as soon as she'd gotten back to her apartment after the exam), Baekhyun found herself wanting to see Dr. Wu again. Because even while a part of her wanted to never ever face him again ever in her entire life and her next life and her next, she couldn't stop thinking about him.

And it'd be a lie to say that she hadn't gotten off to the memory of his hands multiple times in the week that followed her appointment.

So somehow, she'd ended up back at the Dr. Wu's office under the guise of wanting to change her birth control prescription.

The good news was that, since she'd just been in for an appointment, she didn't need another pelvic exam. She was able to stay dressed this time.

The bad news was that Dr. Wu looked completely perplexed as to why she was back already when he walked into the room. Great. As if she needed him thinking that she was anymore of a freak than he already did.

“What can I do for you today?” Dr. Wu asked, professional mask back in place.

I want you to get me off, Baekhyun imagined saying and hoped that she wasn't blushing.

“I was thinking about changing my birth control.”

“What is it that you don't like about the birth control that you're on?” Dr. Wu asked, pen poised above her chart as he waited for an answer.


Okay, Baekhyun hadn't really thought this far ahead.

“I just...wanted to try something else?”

Dr. Wu looked at her, his strong brows furrowed in confusion, “Is there something that you were hoping to improve by changing your prescription? Because if you aren't having any problems with your current medication, then I wouldn't recommend switching since it will take a few months for your menstrual cycle to regulate again.”

“Right...” Baekhyun nodded like that was something that she hadn't considered. Well, truthfully, she hadn't considered anything except for the fact that she wanted to see Dr. Wu's smile directed at her again.

“So is there anything that you were hoping to get out of a new prescription?”

“I guess not,” Baekhyun said with a sigh. Now she looked even more foolish than she had before. Which was really saying something.

“Alright, well don't hesitate to call the office if you think of anything.”

Baekhyun nodded, smiling weakly.

Dr. Wu closed her chart and shot her a smile, wishing her a good day.

“Wait!” she called out before he could leave, stopping him in his tracks and earning herself another confused look, “Let me give you my number.”

Dr. Wu, if possible, looked even more bewildered at that.

“It's really best if you just contact the office-”

“No,” she cut him off, mentally berating herself for being such an idiot, “Just...”

Baekhyun pulled her business card out of her purse and thrust it at him, sending him a pleading look until he closed his fingers around the card stock.

“Just call me sometime,” she said beseechingly, hopping off the table and making for the door, “If you want.”

With that, she was out of there, leaving the examination room and speeding out of the office in shame.

She could not believe she'd given him her number.

If he didn't think she was crazy before, he certainly did now.

She was definitely going to have to find a new gynecologist. There was no way she could go back there.


“Hello?” Baekhyun answered her phone distractedly, pouring detergent into the washing machine with her free hand and idly trying to decide what to make herself for dinner.


The low voice was enough to having Baekhyun pausing with her finger hovering over the start button on the washing machine.

It had been a week and a half since she'd fled from the gynecologists' office and she had spent that time trying to forget what a spazz she'd been. She was definitely not expecting to ever hear from Dr. Wu.

Unless it was in the form of a restraining order.

“Yes, this is she,” Baekhyun said, feeling accomplished for not squealing like a thirteen year old girl.

“This is Dr. Wu. Uh...I mean Kris.”

“Oh, uh, hi,” she replied, wanting to kick herself for such a lame reply. He was probably already regretting calling her. That is unless he was simply calling her to tell her to never make an appointment with him ever again.

“Um...” Dr. Wu...er, Kris, cleared his throat, “I was wondering...if you wanted to go to dinner some time?”

Baekhyun almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of Kris asking her out after how she'd made a fool of herself.

“Sure,” she answered with a small laugh, hoping to sound relaxed and confident.

Because while she was confident, there was that little voice in her head that kept reminding her that Kris had been between her legs during her very inappropriate arousal. That was kind of hard to recover from.

“Okay,” he responded and Baekhyun could hear the smile in his voice, like he was just as surprised by this turn of events as she was.

It was probably pretty safe to assume that he hadn't ever expected to ask a patient on a date after said patient had been turned on during an exam and then came back a week later like a stalker.

Baekhyun was forced to assume that she was just that charming. There was really no other explanation.


“Maybe he figures that you'll be an easy lay,” Chanyeol suggested when she gloated about her date with the infamous Dr. Wu.

“Shut the fuck up, I'm charming,” she insisted after she'd punched him in the arm as hard as she could, “And you're a terrible friend, by the way. I don't know why I talk to you.”

Fearing further bodily harm, Chanyeol wisely kept his mouth shut.


(After their first date, Kris dropped her off at her door with a kiss on the cheek like a gentleman.

Baekhyun physically dragged Kris into her bed after the second date.

She was not disappointed.)

a/n 2: I'm sorry for being MIA! OTL For those of you who don't already know, I recently moved to Korea, and not only have things been crazy, I don't have wifi in my apartment and won't for a couple of weeks. I've also been working on my SHINee Big Bang entry. Hopefully I'll be back to posting regularly soon!

-Follow me on twitter @g_odalisque13
-Comments make my day! ♥

baekhyun l'officiel
10th-Jun-2013 11:26 am (UTC)
spot for madelyn93 since she is the reason this AU exists in the first place lol
10th-Jun-2013 04:50 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHA uahann ahassnsjds asdnasmdasmdldsa T_______________T
annie. i assumed that since you were in korea, i was not in any danger of being killed by you. i assumed wrong.

i've been hit by a smooth criminal
get it because smooth and wet and
forgive me i haven't slept in a while
10th-Jun-2013 11:26 am (UTC)
spot for mywookness :)
6th-Aug-2013 03:48 am (UTC)
oh my god baekhyun
(yayyy! krisbaek! /flails)
she is such a little fail. but hey, it's kris here

Baekhyun physically dragged Kris into her bed after the second date.

She was not disappointed.

THIS. lol.

(and congrats on the move! (it's late but hey).. )
11th-Jun-2013 07:30 am (UTC)
I don't get a spot ;;;;;

But really, this was hilarious, and I'm glad to see you finally finished it, and lolololol lady boners.

“Everything looks good,” Dr. Wu told her, throwing his gloves away as Baekhyun sat up and fixed her hair, “Normal. Everything looks normal.”
"Excuse me miss, but your vulva, it was quite lovely this afternoon."

“That's goo-”
“I just have to ask,” he hastily went on, avoiding her gaze, “You aren't always...”
“No!” Baekhyun exclaimed frantically, cheeks burning, “No, I'm not...always...”
“Okay, just making sure since that could be a symptom of something,” he explained, looking mortified at having had to bring it up.

Oh Kreeeease, it's certainly a symptom of something

Okay, I should probably sleep nao.
11th-Jun-2013 11:40 am (UTC)
i never know when you want spots ;;;;

but i'm glad you liked it!

...and now i'm going to assume that that's the translation of shinee's "excuse me miss" XD

well! remember that show we watched about those ladies that were turned on 24/7? (i feel like it came on after that science of attraction show...we were so productive in college OTL) it could be a symptom of that! but really, it's just a symptom of krease's giant ass hands. lmao

sleeping is good! so do that.
thanks for reading and commenting!
11th-Jun-2013 12:12 pm (UTC)
11th-Jun-2013 12:26 pm (UTC)
sorry it took so long OTL
i hope it didn't disappoint!
11th-Jun-2013 12:59 pm (UTC)
really this verse amuses me to no end ! it's hilarious for some reason. i just can't stop smiling like an idiot while reading it
11th-Jun-2013 01:06 pm (UTC)
i'm glad you like it! haha.
idk what it is about obgyn!krease that's so entertaining, but i'm pretty amused my self lmao
thanks for reading and commenting!
11th-Jun-2013 02:25 pm (UTC)
13th-Jun-2013 12:34 pm (UTC)
XD ofc not
thanks for reading and commenting!
11th-Jun-2013 03:04 pm (UTC)
so hilarious!! XD
literally LOL so hard in this line
"Look at his hands, she thought to herself. They were so...big. (That's what she said, she mentally supplied because she was mature like that.)"
13th-Jun-2013 12:35 pm (UTC)
baekhyun is super mature, obviously /nods lol
i'm glad you enjoyed it!
thanks for reading and commenting!
(Deleted comment)
13th-Jun-2013 12:36 pm (UTC)
i'm glad you liked it! ^^
i have some more ideas for this universe, so i don't think this will be the end!
haha i'm sure baekhyun quite enjoyed finding out hw good kris' everything was lmao
thanks for reading and commenting!
11th-Jun-2013 03:52 pm (UTC)
I have been waiting for Dr. Wu to appear...Baekhyun....CLASSIC LOL!

Then at the end she's all..."Enough with this gentleman stuff..." LOL
13th-Jun-2013 12:36 pm (UTC)
haha baekhyun has little patience for gentleman stuff. she has needs! XD
i'm glad you liked it!
thanks for reading and commenting!
11th-Jun-2013 06:16 pm (UTC)
omg goodness XDDDD freakin' baekhyun
i like that ending though "baekhyun physically dragged kris into her bed after the second date" XDDDD
and obviously baekhyun found a new gynecologist because she can't be dating her current one :P that is a clash in professionalism right there
but omg freakin' baekhyun~ heeheehee that was too cute/silly
i bet kris was freakin' out inside but you know...he has his little bitchface thing to lean back on XD
13th-Jun-2013 12:38 pm (UTC)
girl!baekhyun is quite feisty XD
she probably has chen as a gynecologist now, actually lmao
having bitchface can come in handy! but he was definitely flustered haha
thanks for reading and commenting!
(Deleted comment)
13th-Jun-2013 12:39 pm (UTC)
glad i could make your obgyn!krease dreams come true! lmao
thanks for reading and commenting!
12th-Jun-2013 02:01 am (UTC)
wow welcome back!!! and have a great times in korea and what a nice writing here omg XDXD gonna screams and flails because charming baekhyun winning his heart!!
13th-Jun-2013 12:39 pm (UTC)
thank you! ^^
i'm glad you enjoyed this!
baekhyun can do anything she (he) sets her (his) mind to! lol
thanks for reading and commenting!
12th-Jun-2013 02:55 am (UTC)


13th-Jun-2013 12:40 pm (UTC)
dopeshit ho is probably the best description for baekhyun here tbh omg XD
so much secondhand embarrassment tho OTL
thanks for reading and commenting!
14th-Jun-2013 09:19 pm (UTC)
My goodness, that was exactly what I'd been waiting to read! Although I find gynecological examinations extremely awkward and uncomfortable myself, I must admit that this AU is something I'd never seen in fanfiction and I love every piece of it! And I don't think Baekhyun is an exception, come on, if my gynecologist looked like Kris...

And congratulations on moving to Korea! :)
15th-Jun-2013 01:22 pm (UTC)
there's probably a reason why ppl don't write about gynecologists OTL XD
but i'm glad you liked it!
yeah...kris being a gynecologist would probably result in lots of awkward moments like baekhyun had lmao
thanks for reading and commenting!
and thank you! ^^
26th-Jun-2013 06:49 am (UTC)
This fic was adorable! You are amazing as usual!

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY: YOU MOVED TO KOREA???? I have a million questions I hope that's okay! Are you doing the EPIK program? If not what are you doing? What's your apartment like? Do you speak much Korean? If so did you study it in school? I have more questions but I'll restrain myself! SORRY! kbai
30th-Jun-2013 06:22 am (UTC)
aw thank you!
i'm glad you liked it!
i'm doing the GEPIK program :)
my apartment is a studio apartment with an attached bathroom/shower and a small room with a washing machine.
i don't speak much korean, but i'm learning! they didn't offer it at my college, so i actually speak japanese. not so helpful in korea! haha.
feel free to ask questions! lol
thanks for reading and commenting!
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